The Vault Hunter Academy
by NefasSegador
Summary: What if there wasn't a vault full of enemies. But it was really an academy training you to survive Pandora. What if all the borderlands were all there, as students. Well here is another Borderlands fanfic. Sucky summary I know. Mainly adventure and humor. With some romance with pairing. Uses AU elements, but with a Borderlands twist. T for swearing, violence,and some scenes.
1. Chapter 1: The Vault Hunter Academy

Chapter 1: The Vault Hunter Academy

**A/N: I'm pretty sure no one's done this before so I hope it's to people's liking. It's starts with Mordecai, but is really in everyone's point of view. So please review if you have any suggestion, plot ideas, or other stuff. Hope you like it. 8 D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own either Borderlands,it's characters, or "The Three Musketeers". Only the plot, Segador, and No Teeth the bandit.**

"HEY YOU BASTARDS GET THE F**K OUT OF THE F****N WAY!" the bus driver, Marcus yelled. "YEAH YOU THERE, I SWEAR... MOVE THE DAMN SKAG!" Then the bus made an inhuman power slide.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Mordecai Cedillo groaned trying to hold in his breakfast.

"Lighten up soldier." said the dark skinned guy next to Mordecai.

"Does he drive like this often?" Mordecai asked incredulously.

"Yeah pretty much." the guy said. "Oh, my apologize. The name's Roland." He holds out his hand. Mordecai took it, and they shook hands.

"I'm Mordecai."

"Something tells me your new here?" Roland states.

"Is it that obvious." Mordecai grimaces from another power slide.

"Well yeah, I don't know anyone here who wears a wrestling mask and all leather outfit for kicks." Roland says pointing to the mask and leather clothes Mordecai was wearing. Mordecai however just shrugs. He's been told this all his life, it really didn't bother him anymore.

"So where are you going?" Roland asks.

"The Vault Hunter Academy." Mordecai answers.

"Me to. So why are you coming here?" Roland asks. "Got any family, or friends?"

"Nah. I was scouted." Mordecai says.

"What did you do?"

"I won the Interplanetary Sharpshooting Competition." Mordecai says. Roland's mouth drops.

"How does winning mean leaving for a fresh start?"

"Let me rephrase that. I won the Interplanetary Sharpshooting Competition,with a revolver." if possible Roland's mouth drops even farther.

"Apparently..." Mordecai continues. "I apparently cheated because I was using a modded revolver or some bullshit. So they decided to publicized it." Mordecai sighed. Roland looked at his unhappy companion.

"Well for what it's worth." Roland starts. "Your parents couldn't have picked a worse shit hole to move to." Mordecai laughs.

"Since your new here I'll show you my friends." Roland says.

"What are they're names?" Mordecai asks.

"Well there's Lilith, Brick, Zer0, Maya, Axton, Salvador, and Gaige." Roland says. "And I pretty sure you know who's names go with who. Hey you got a place to stay?" Roland asks. Mordecai shakes his head. "Well you can room with me. I have plenty of space." Then the bus makes a skidding stop and tilts over, almost it to the point of it falling on it's side.

"Well little ones, unless you would like for your intestines to become you out-testines. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BUS!" Marcus yells. Everyone shuffles out. Roland and Mordecai leave and they are instantly met with a red and blue haired girls with matching tattoos, an upright mound of flesh with nails in his hands, a tall guy in a full face mask with a huge zero, a vertically challenged rhino with a mo-hawk, a light skinned guy with a cocky smiled firmly etched on his face, and another girl with a robotic arm. They all crowed around the new comer, asking questions that Mordecai couldn't keep up with.

"Everyone, everyone, calm down!" Roland yelled. They all quieted down.

"Who is this new guy/is he to join our little group/ or is he to die?" motorcycle helmet inquired in a robotic voice and strange speech pattern grabbing the handle of a handle of digitized katana.

"No Zer0, no killing at least not now." Roland said. ". Everyone this is Mordecai. Mordecai these are my friends."

"Hello." Mordecai says.

The guy with the cocky smile holds out his hand like Roland, and Mordecai shakes it. "Hello. I'm Axton." he says. "That Lilith, Maya, Brick, Zer0, Salvador, and Gaige" He says pointing to each person.

"Why are you wearing a mask?" the girl, Gaige, asks jumping up and down with excitement. Mordecai was taken back by the girl's perkiness. _This one is definitely hyped up on sugar._ He thinks.

"Gaige come on, don't bother the new guy." the red haired girl, Lilith, scolds. Mordecai just noticed she had strange tattoos running up an down the right side of her body.

"Eh I don't mind." Mordecai says. "I used train Bloodwings, so I wore the mask to protect my eyes."

"Um." the short one, Salvador starts. "I thought you were a Truxican wrestler, who moonlights as a dominatrix. You look the type amigo." Mordecai had to restrain himself from choking the crap out of Salvador.

"Aren't Bloodwings supposed to be bloodthirsty birds who eat people's eyes?" the big one, Brick asks.

"Why do you think I wear the mask." Mordecai states. An oh came from the giant.

"A dangerous job/ but sounds like a good challenge/ nice mask by the way." Zer0 says in his strange haiku speech.

"Thanks."

"So what makes you so special?" the blue haired girl, Maya, asks.

"I won the Interplanetary Sharpshooting Competition, with a revolver." Mordecai says, and leaves it at that.

"Well I'm glad Roland brought you then, Zer0 may be an assassin but his real skill is in the large razor on his back." Axton jokes, while everyone (but Zer0 who had a sad face emoticon) laughed. Mordecai smiled at this. _Maybe I'll actually have friends this time. _Mordecai thinks.

"C'mon let's go." Roland says. "Our first class is sharpshooting with "General" Knoxx."

BL&BL2

"Okay who wants to try to shoot the skull off the clap traps head?" General Knoxx asks the high-schoolers in front of him. Immediately Camcorder's hand goes up. "How about you mate." Mordecai walks toward the rifle General Knoxx had set up and trained on a Pyscho tied to a wooden post.

"You ever sniped before?" Knoxx asked. Mordecai nods, and motions for Mordecai to zero and aim. Mordecai places the cross hairs a few ticks above the apple. Takes a deep breath. And pulls the trigger.

(Cue the Sniper Warrior 2 kill cam) The bullet flies in slow motion. It began to descend to the proper height. It hit the apple, which apparently couldn't take the force, and exploded into apple sauce. While the Pyscho just fidgets and yells something about babies.

"Good job mate." General Knoxx says. Then the bell rang (which sounds like a dieing rakk). The gang all ran up to Mordecai and praised him from his excellent shooting.

"Beautiful artwork/challenge of the shot was great/ I hope we can fight?" Zer0 states.

"Uh thanks?" Mordecai says uncertain on what Zer0 went. "So what's our next class?"

"Your going to like this Zer0. It's close combat fighting with your mentor Segador." Roland says. A smile emoticon appears on Zer0's face.

BL&BL2

_Slice! Crack! Shing! Whack! _

"You cannot beat me/ my skills have grown since the last time/ prepare for defeat." Zer0 says after dodging a slice from Segador. Segador however doesn't say anything, until he uses the butt of his blade and rams it into Zer0's stomach. Zer0 doubles over and gets kneed in the face by Segador.

"Still much to learn, before defeat me you can." Segador says before digitizing his sword, and walking back to his desk. Everyone helped Zer0 to his feet,who had an FML on his face.

"C'mon Zer0 don't think like that." Maya said, trying to cheer Zer0 up. Zer0 put's on a happy emoticon, then it immediately turns into a :(_8(1) {Sad_Dead}

"Don't worry at least you didn't have a hammer bang against your head by a robot wielding brujah." Salvador says, then sends another scowl towards Gaige.

"I said I'm sorry jeez." Gaige says. Then Brick pulls Zer0 into a very bone crushing bear hug, trying to make him feel better.

"Bones being crushed/ Life flashes before my eyes/ I don't talk much." Then Brick let's him out of the bear hug. Zer0 falls to the floor gasping for air.

"Aside from the fact Zer0 nearly got crushed to death, Salvador almost got brained, us nearly having to peel Roland off of Bricks fists, and me being on fire twice. I say that went well." Axton says summing up there experiences from the class, while receiving death glares from everyone.

"So Roland what's our next class?" Lilith asks there fearless leader.

"We have battle field tactics with commandant Steele." He says. He and Axton smile at that. Everyone groaned. Only the two future soldiers would like long boring lectures from an albino Russian woman.

BL&BL2

"And when you finally have them on the run, use your long ranged snipers to pick off them off. Any questions?" Steele asks the class. She was rewarded with practically everyone asleep. Brick was snoring loudly. Mordecai had his face on his desk, and was drooling slightly. Lilith was constantly phase walking and not phase walking with every breath. Maya had a religouse manuscript on her sleeping face. Salvador used his hands to prop up his head. While Zer0's body was rigid and looked like he was listening, but his face plate had a long row of Zzz. Only Axton and Roland where awake and paying attention.

Commandant Steele pulled out her revolver and shot it into the sealing ( and through someone's foot) and woke everyone up. "Class. For homework I want you to give me a detailed echo recording on how you would take out a bandit camp full of burning psychos. Dismissed." The bell rings and they all walk to lunch line.

"So do we have anything after lunch?" Maya asks loading a bunch of fruits and vegetables onto her plate.

"We have lunch then to more classes, but we really don't need to go to those classes?" Roland says picking fruits and meat.

"What are they?" Brick asks picking anything that looks like meat.

"The last two classes are Looting and grenade throwing." Axton says grabbing a bag of pop corn (that's for you Brawl499).

They all sat down and started eating. Brick practically splashing everyone with juices, and Zer0 not eating a single thing.

"Hey Zer0 do you ever eat?" Mordecai asks. Zer0 shakes his head no, and resumes I dunno brooding?

"So what should we do after this?" Brick asks through mouthfuls of food.

"Dude chew before speaking." Lilith said wiping meat off her face.

"Sorry." Brick says and swallows, then belches loudly. Salvador answers it with his own belch. Then Brick retaliates. Then Salvador. Brick was about to answer until a really loud one came out. They all looked for the source of the noises then they see a blushing Giage looking away sheepishly.

"Sorry. Excuse me." Gaige apologized. Everyone bursts out laughing. After everyone calms down. Roland put's his hand up.

"I think I may know what we could do." Roland says. Everyone looks at him. He slams down a piece of dusty paper. It was a wanted poster for a bandit named "No Teeth".

"We're going after a bounty!?" Lilith says surprised at Roland's idea.

"Well yeah. We need the money." Roland states.

"Roland," Lilith starts. "The biggest we've ever done is go and take out a bandit camp. Or clear a skag den or Rakk nest. Are we even ready for a real named bandit?"

"We can take him." Roland said with a firm tone. He holds out his hand like in the three musketeers.

There were nervous mummers amount the group. Until Zer0 broke the awkwardness.

"A bounty for our group/ Sounds like a very good challenge./ I accept the terms." Zer0 says putting his hand out.

"If Zer0 okay with it. So am I." Maya put her hand in the group.

"Me too, it sounds FUN." Gaige says and put her hand in the middle.

"If you guys are going to kill and have fun count me in." Brick places his over-sized hand in.

"Sign me up también." Salvador places his hand in the middle. Soon everyone placed there hands in the middle. All except Lilith who looked at them uncertainly.

She sighed in exasperation. "If we die, and have to spend money to be recreated you all owe me 1/3 of your share." Lilith puts her hand in the middle. Everyone cheers and lift there hands up.

"First things first," Axton starts. "Who actually has a gun?" Only he, Roland, Mordecai, and Salvador raise there hands.

"Well this is problem." Roland states.

**Cliffhanger!**

**Thank you for those who have taken the time to read it. If you have any questions or suggestions please ask me. Don't worry the cliff hanger will not last long. I also dedicate this story to Brawl499 who inspired me to right this Fanfic. Thanks again. And review.**


	2. Chapter 2: No Teeth

Chapter 2: No Teeth

**First of all... I LOVE YOU ALL! For the hundred and something people who read the first chapter I non-homoly love you. For the three who reviewed, **** naruXhinacrazy, Brawl499, Shikaku Zrtsumei, and Jest762. You guys are really awesome. Most people don't even review for me. Also check out SW4G M4N, Kromatick, and child-dragon's borderlands stories. There frickin awesome. And personally thanks naruXhinacrazy for noticing my mistake. For those who are writing haiku for Zer0 i found a website for syllable count. It's called: ** .com**. Any way back to the story. !_!.**

"So only me, Salvador, Mordecai, and Roland have guns." Axton huffed.

"I don't need a gun/ My sword is all I need to fight/ and my stealth hologram." Zer0 stated.

"I can spare 2 Maliwan fire sub-machine guns, 1 Torgue corrosive shot gun, and a Jakobs sniper rifle." Roland said. " I'll keep my dad's Dahl machine gun though."

"I got my good Jakobs revolver and sniper." Mordecai said materializing them, then digitizing them.

"You all know I have my two perras." Salvador commented about his two explosive shotguns.

"I'll give 2 Vladaf assault rifles, and a Tediore rocker launcher." Axton said.

"I WANT THE ROCKET LAUNCHER!" Brick yelled out, scaring a bunch of midgets to death.

"Woah calm down big guy. Church bells are ringing in my ears." Maya complained shaking her head to clear it. "I'll take one of the Maliwan sub-machine guns Roland."

"I'll take a sub-machine gun also." Lilith said, her eyes lighting up to the words fire.

"Gaige you want anything?" Axton asked the mechromancer.

"Hm." Gaige hummed, thinking which gun would suit her. "I'll use the shot gun."

"I'll take the sniper rifle/ I guess a gun would help now/ Going to blow heads off." Zer0 stated happily with the prospect of some killing.

"So I guess where good for now." Roland stated elated. "So we'll all swing by me and Axton's house for weapon pick up right after lunch."

"Right!" everyone else responded.

"Hey all you blood thirsty brats." a very douchey voice said on the school's intercom. "It's your great principle Handsome Jack speaking. If anyone of you piss for brained brats decide to ditch school I'll ride in on Butt Stalion and rip your head off."

"Man that guys a douche." Axton said, then a bunch of Hyperion Gun Loaders came out ready to escort the students out of the lunch room.

"Hey Zer0." Roland said. "Think you know how to distract the Gun Loaders so we can sneak out"" A smile emoticon appeared on Zer0's helmet and he suddenly threw a Skag mystery meat (the mystery is bullet fragments.) at a large man by the name of Sledge. Then his voice changed to sound like a random bandit.

"Nice throw Nine Toes." Zer0 said in the different voice. After wiping the food out of his face Sledge launched a bowl of Rakk intestines at Nine Toes, but missed and hit another person named Bone Head. Then someone yelled "FOOD FIGHT!" and the lunch room was thrown into chaos. People where launching food, plates, and robots at one another. While the Gun Loaders tried to desperately calm the situation down. All the while no one noticed a group of people sneak out threw a side exit. Even if one of them was as big as a barn.

After waking for a while, they finally got to the dorm, Fyrestone. Axton, Roland, and Salvador all left to go into there dorm rooms leaving the rest of the group waiting in excitement. When they came out the four had huge sacks of guns slung over there backs. When they regrouped with everyone they plopped the sacks down while everyone were as giddy as children waiting for Christmas, each one wanting to open there presents. They open the sacks and all grabbed there respective guns. After everyone was outfitted Roland told everyone where the bandit boss is.

"You all know where Skag gully is right?" Roland asked. Everyone nodded in confirmation. "Well the bandit liar is in that vicinity." Lilith raised her hand. "Yes Lilith?"

"Your realize that Skag gully is several miles away from here right?" Lilith asked, not really wanting to walk all the way to Skag gully.

"That's right, so we asked scooter to fix up the old pickup." Roland said glaring at Salvador.

"What! I didn't know the mine was their. There was some magia or something!" Salvador yelled waving his arms.

"Anywho, we all have our gear right?" Axton asked. Everyone nodded their heads. "In that case I'll be." Axton was about to put his hand on the catch-a-ride machine before Gaige's hand shot out and digitized the truck and teleport to the drivers seat.

"C'mon guys let's go!" Gaige yelled excitedly, but ended up stepping on the reverse and crashed into a wall. Everyone had a sweat drop after that.

"That was really bad/ You shouldn't drive to skag gully now/ I should drive this time." Zer0 stated before carrying the unconsciousness Gaige out of the truck and sitting in the drivers seat.

"I call the turret!" Brick exclaimed before hopping in the turret seat.

"Escopeta!" Salvador called, and hopped in the passenger seat.

"So I guess the rest of us are in the back." Roland said before climbing in and sitting on one of the trucks benches. Maya, Lilith, and Axton also got in. The sleeping form of Gaige was propped up on the front of the back of the truck snoring and whispering things like "explosions." "bricks." and 'Reverse pulse clutch engines." Zer0 started up the truck and began driving to Skag gully. For a while it was pretty awkward, until Brick started to shoot the Rakks over head.

"DIE! BLOOD! YES!" Brick shouted when a rocket exploded on a Rakk's body. At the same time Gaige was still sleeping, everyone was still confused on that. Seriously you try sleeping when Brick is yelling a foot away from you.

When they finally reached the bandit camp, Gaige had finally woken up and Brick's bloodlust had calmed a bit. They parked on a decently high ridge so Zer0 and Mordecai could scope out the camp.

"So here's the plan." Roland started. "Mordecai and Zer0 will stay on this ridge and give us sniper support. Salvador and Brick will take the front and take out as many bandits as they can. Lilith and Maya will stay behind them and use their Siren powers and sub-machine guns to subdue any bandits brick and Salvador missed or injured. While me,Axton, and Gaige will stay in the back with our machines providing more support. Any questions?" Roland asked. Everyone nodded their heads no. "Well let's go bag us a bounty!" The group exploded into cheers.

Bandits where walking around minding there own business until they heard an almost feral yell of rage. Then the nearest one was punched so hard he broke in two. Another was ripped apart by several rounds of explosive buck shot. Later before some of them even knew they where being attacked they were picked off by a volley of efficient shots.

"Yeah take it fucker/You think I can not see you there/ Boom fuckin headshot!" Zer0 yelled in a surprisingly well created haiku.

"Wah!" a psycho yelled when he hoisted into the air was surround by a sphere purple energy. Then was later blown apart from a rocket from Brick who screamed DIE!

Roland,Axton, and Gaige where in the back of all the chaos and where taking out bandits and psychos that came too close to the sirens. Gaige had summoned Death Trap and was mercilessly ripping apart midgets with Brick. Suddenly Axton was hit over the head with the handle of a tomahawk and lost the grip of gun. The psycho that threw it was running toward the down commando, but picked up by a very large bird. And was carried off god knows where.

"You're welcome!" Mordecai laughed in the echo communicator after seeing Axton's expression when seeing the big bird. "That was personal bloodwing, Bloodwing, that just saved your ass Axton. You owe him one." Mordecai laughed before going back to snipe a nomad through his eye slit.

After a couple or so minutes the fighting had ceased and the bandits that where occupying the camp had either run or where dead. Mordecai and Zer0 jumped off the ridge they where sniping on, Zer0 making a haiku on something about "no fall damage". It was deathly quiet... until they heard Salvador start shooting his shot-guns and yelling in a mix of Spanish and English.

"Yeah you hijos de puta. Next time I see you you're bolas will be mounted on my maldita pared!" Salvador yelled. After a few more profanities yelled in Spanish (enough to get me banned from Fanfiction XD) Salvador had calmed down.

"Salvador?" Axton asked the midget. "How much steroids have you taken?"

"Twelve pills." Salvador said like how most people would say a bite. Every guy starred at him incredulously, well Zer0 had a huge exclamation point over his face. Axton decided he needed to break the news to the poor guy before he found out. He went over to Salvador and whispered something into his ear. At first Salvador's face was aghast, then it turned to rage, then... sorrow.

"Sad when the truth hits/ You shouldn't take anymore drugs now/ They will get smaller." Zer0 said cryptically. But the message sunk in to Salvador who was on the verge of tears.

"C'mon soldier. Lighten up." Roland said to the sad gunzerker. "Killing No Teeth will make you fell better." Salvador's eyes lit up at the prospect and he and Brick pushed open the door and was... immediately met with a very big Goliath who was littering smacking his gums. He started shooting a machine gun rapidly and furiously. Brick and Salvador where forced to run behind cover while everyone else to get a shot off, but the Goliath was too fast. Suddenly Brick sprung up from god know where and started to punch the midget's shields. While everyone else was trying to help with him. After taking out his shields Axton yelled a very loud "GRENADE!" and chucked a Mirv grenade at No Teeth's feet.

No Teeth gave them all a look of amazement before being enveloped in a cloud of explosions. When the dust cleared it revealed... a very very VERY pissed off Goliath with that dangly thing they have as a head (I don't know what it's called!).

"That's disgusting!" Maya and Lilith said disgusted at what they where seeing.

"Cool!" Gaige screamed excitedly. Then Death Trap met the Super Goliath and was trying to swipe it with it's claws but was swatted aside almost effortlessly. Zer0 sprang up and ran at No Teeth and was slapped aside. But the Goliath's fist past through it. The hologram dissapated and the real Zer0 stabbed his sword through No Teeth's back. That didn't work because he was later back handed to the face and hit a wall. He didn't move after that.

"Zer0!" everyone yelled in shock. In a sudden sense of rage Brick ran up to the Golaith and started to punch him to death with his bolted hands. Seeing his best friend/ practical brother hurt Salvador grabbed his two explosive shot-guns and was mercilessly shooting the Goliath. Lilith had set it on fire. Maya had phaselocked it. Mordecai was snipping, and Axton and Roland where firing bullet after bullet into Goliath's massive form. After enduring the devastating damage the group had inflicted on him the Goliath finally fell.

"Damn you Raiders." the Goliath said before falling face first dead. Everyone ran to the still not moving Zer0. Maya was desperately trying to wake the assassin up to no avail.

"C'mon amigo get up." Salvador pleaded.

"Get up soldier." Roland desperately ordered. Suddenly Maya stabbed a health hypo into Zer0's leg waking him up.

"Ah!" Zer0 yelled clutching his leg.

"ZER0!" everyone yelled in happiness.

Zer0 looked at all. "I do not die easily/ One pimp smack can't kill me ever/Assassins don't die easy." Zer0 smirked. Then got up and pulled the katana out of the Goliaths stomach. Then cut off it's once known head.

"Good thinking soldier." Roland praised. "We need proof for bounty." They all where in high spirits because of today. Not only did no one die, but they took down there first bandit boss. By the time they got to the bounty board and turned in the bounty it was already night time. They decided to drive back to the Fyrestone dorms.

"Night everyone!" Maya, Lilith, and Gaige said to the guys as they went to the girls side of the dorm.

"Night!" they answered back. Since the day's worth of adrenaline hadn't left the guy's system they decided to play cards to release stress.

"Got any fours?" Axton asked.

"Go fish." Roland said trying to hold back laughter. Axton grumbled then picked up another card from the deck, then he smiled. That smile quickly disappeared when he saw what number Zer0 asked for. 4's.

"DAMMIT!" Axton yelled as he lost another card. Zer0 triumphantly took the card and made a pile of 4's in front of him. That made a total of 7 piles for Zer0, 1 for Brick, Salvador, and Mordecai, 2 for Roland. While Axton had a grand total of 0. "THIS GAME IS RIGGED!" he yelled before storming off into his room. When he left, everyone broke out into fits of laughter. Zer0 suddenly disappeared and reappeared a few inches away from where Axton was sitting. Zer0 had a huge LOL oh his mask.

"Well as fun as it is to prank Axle it's time to get some rest. Night guys" Roland said before walking to the room where ha and Mordecai shared. Talking something about "crimson" and "raiders." Soon Mordecai and Brick left to sleep also. Salvador was about to go, but stopped when he looked at his roommate who stood off to the side on wall as usual.

"You sleeping yet amigo?" Salvador asked. Zer0 shook his head no. Salvador just shrugged then went into the dorm room. Zer0 stood leaning against the wall for a long while, brooding as most people would see it but was actually thinking and reminiscing about today. Wondering what would've happened if he didn't have his roommates, no scratch that, his friends there with him. He had a smile emoticon appear on his face for a bit, before quietly walking back to room he shared with Salvador for some shut eye.

**Review! Also if you notice if I tend to ignore Gaige a lot is because I don't exactly know how to interpret her yet. She's still a challenge. If you have any ideas for Gaige's personality PM me. Till the next chapter review, or I'll send Zer0 on you. XD Watch out for a new charterer entering soon.**


	3. Poll Announcement

**This isn't a chapter it's just a short little kind of update. This will determine Zer0's love life. IF I decide to make one. So there is a pole on my profile. It will end it about two weeks, so hurry and put your votes in. Now I gotta run 'cause Zer0 just heard what I'm doing. **

**{Zer0 materializes two inches away with a katana at Dios's throat.}**

**AHHH!**

**{Seg pops out and starts to fight Zer0.}**

**Please vote!**


	4. Chapter 3: EXPLOSIONS!

**I have decided to hide the result of the poll, so you'll just have to look very carefully at each girl to see who Zer0 goes with. This chapter will involve some Handsome Jack-ness, a new student, some Seg/ Zer0 master apprentice friendship, some TORGUE-NESS EXPLOSIONS!, and HOLY MOTHER OF THE DIVIDE! I'M ACTUALLY UPDATING THIS!**

***Zer0 appears holding his katana at my throat* **

***I gulp but is saved by a tackle from Segador.* **

***Bloodwing flies in and squawks.* KA! Translation.: DiosSegador9898 doesn't own Borderlands 2. If he did, Angel would've still lived and and there would be MORE EXPLOSIONS!**

* * *

Mordecai opened his eyes and looked around the room. At first he didn't know where he was and why he was so sore, but then remembered what the heck happened yesterday. He groaned, then realized he didn't have his mask on. He looked around and saw his mask was on the counter. He reached over and grabbed it. He used one hand to hold up his hair, while he used the other to tie the mask on. He looked around and saw that the bed Roland was sleeping in last night was empty. He groaned and got up. As soon as he did, Bloodwing flew from an open window and landed on his banded shoulder.

"Hey Bloodwing? How ya doin?" Mordecai asked his faithful companion. Bloodwing cawed in response. Mordecai just chuckled, then looked around for his boots. He put them on and walked over to the door where he hoped would lead him to his friends. He opened it and saw it did... among other things. When he walked out the door, he saw everyone sitting in a huge table, or collections of table pressed, glued, or welded together. While some of his friends were eating, others were occupied with other things. And when I mean occupied I mean little wars that involve a soldier and a commando arguing which turret was better. A gunzerker and BERserker yelling at each other on who's the strongest. And an a silent assassin taking people's food whenever they weren't looking. Mordecai was flabbergast to say the least, and Bloodwing had his (or her?) beak gaping open. Mostly at the food on the table. And without further ado, flew and took a plate of something that Zer0 was about to take.

Everyone jumped back in a surprise at the sudden appearance of Pandora's most notorious midget killing machine. Bloodwing however just started ripping away at what ever the plate of something was.

"Uh, good morning?" Mordecai said reluctantly

"Glad to see you up soldier." Roland said in usual military form. Axton just gave him a mock salute.

"Morning." Maya and Lilith chorused together. Gaige waved her mechanical arm and accidentally summoned Death Trap, who surprisingly also waved like his (or her?) creator. Zer0 nodded his head in greeting, as did Brick and Salvador.

"So, is there any breakfast left? Or has Zer0 and Bloodwing eaten it all?" Mordecai asked. Everyone was about to question what he meant, then looked down and most of them saw a good portion of their food had been eaten. They all looked towards Zer0 who had a exclamation point over his face. Then disappeared. The assassin knew when he should run. They all sighed then Brick announced he was going to cook some more food. This confused Mordecai. He was about to ask, but Axton stopped him.

"Trust me, the less you know about it, the longer you'll live." Axton said, and Mordecai buried the question.

"So." Mordecai started grabbing a chair and sitting down. "What are we going to do with the loot we got from yesterday?"

"Well for starters. We need to get everyone proper gear." Roland said. "Everyone can't be using borrowed gear from each other." Everyone nodded at his suggestion. "We'll do it after "school"." Then Brick came in wearing an unusually pink apron saying _KISS MY FIST!_ and a plate full of skag bacon, and rakk eggs. Mordecai didn't know whether to laugh, salivate, or cower in fear at the sight before him. It was both scary, funny, and appetizing! (The bacon was. This is a completely straight fic.)

"Say anything and you're dead slab." Brick said darkly. Mordecai quickly stowed whatever he was about to say, and Brick put food on everyone's plate's. So after Zer0 appeared and everyone rolled their eyes at the assassin. They soon finished up breakfast and cleaned. Right now they were waiting for the suicidal bus driver Marcus to show up.

"He should be hear by now?" Maya said looking at her blue watch on her wrist. No sooner as she said that the familiar yellow bus with a rather large dust cloud following behind pulled up. The dust cloud passed right over the group. They all coughed.

"How fast did he go/ How is he a bus driver/ This is worse than Gaige." Zer0 said in haiku. Which caused him to get a slap from said mechromancer.

"All aboard the semi-functioning vehicle!" Marcus yelled in his accent. The soon-to-be-vault-hunters climbed in and strapped into their seats. They all prayed to whatever god was out their, as where the poor schmuks who were stuck in the bus in the beginning of the ride. Marcus closed the door after all the vault hunters entered and floored it. Someone let out an undignified scream as the yellow death trap speeded through the harsh dust caked road of Pandora to the school.

After several minutes of profanities being yelled, some hair raising turns, and a few "accidental" road kills, the yellow death trap that Marcus drove slowly screeched to a halt as all the students tumbled out of the bus. One psycho even hurled on the side walk.

"How is he a bus driver!" Lilith yelled trying to stand up straight, but the world to her kept on spinning.

"I don't know." Roland answered leaning against a wall to steady himself. Everyone else wasn't doing much better. Zer0 was sitting cross legged a big WTF over his mask. Salvador and Brick were swaying like they were drunk. Axton and Maya were trying to hold in their break fast like Lilith, and Gaige's head wouldn't stop spinning. After several minutes of nausea the group finally got better. They were able to get their first class. And the first thing that they saw in sharp shooting was a VERY large man being restrained by General Knoxx and Segador.

"C'MON MORE *BEEP* EXPLOSIONS!" the large man yelled the bleep censoring what he was about to say. And then to put money to his mouth a round of explosions exploded just under the feet of a few psychos poking at a dead bird.

"No Torgue." General Knoxx started holding the man, Torgue, in a full nelson. "Do that in your class mate. This is sharp shooting, not demolition!" Segador promplty decided to use the the steel handle of his sword to knock Torgue out. The seven all had sweat drops above their heads as they saw the rather comical transgression before them. Then their jaws dropped (or in Zer0's case an OMG) as Segador casually pulled the hulking man onto his shoulder and walked out of the room.

"Oh there are m students." General Knoxx said seeing the group.

"Who was that sir?" Roland asked.

"That. Is going to be your new teacher. Mister Torgue. Mister, strangely enough, being his first name." Gerneral Knoxx stated plainly.

"Wait. THE TORGUE!" Salvador and Brick said incredulously.

"Yes. The very one that manufactures Torgue brand explosive weapons. Apperantly Torgue owes Jack a favor, so Jack made Torgue work here. Why he asked an explosive addict like him I'll never get" Knoxx said shaking his head. Safe to say, at the word explosions the gunzerker and berserker were as giddy as school children waiting for his class to go to. Meanwhile to everyone were pretty much thinking the same thing. _We're screwed!_

* * *

**One more thing before I-**

**Torgue: EXPLOSIONS! *I fly off when a large bomb exploded underneath me.***

**I'M BACK *BEEP* -CHES!**


End file.
